Thursday, January 01, 2004

Funny take on the ridiculous ephedra ban

The entire post from night in the big city is below.... (via gawker)

No more OTC trucker speed.
Ash forwarded me a text message from his friend (and my co-contributor) Jill, allerting me to this breaking news story. Turns out that the FDA has banned (is banning, will ban) Ephedra, everyone's second favorite appetite surpressingest, weight losingest, up peppingest, heart condition causingest substance.

No longer will young, upwardly mobile professionals be able to go to the corner GNC for their "herbal" fix. The age of easy access to slightly enhanced awareness and questionable other vaguely health related effects is over. I guess.

Honestly, I don't know what is the most surprising part of this story. Is it the FDA banning something that has been pulled from most shelves for a year or so now? Is it the fact that anyone is surprised by the fact that something with the "positive" effects (think truckers bobming down I-90 at 89MPH, 6 hours of sleep in the last 60, with slightly shaky hands) of Ephedra is bad for you? Is it the fact that this warrants a top of the page banner on nytimes.com?

But I can see it now! As I pop my last couple of Ephedra, the ones that have been sititng at the back of my desk drawer for the last three years, I have a vision of the future: Ephedra's newfound illegality, its accruing illicitness is going to give NYC just what it needs: another subculture.

Picture it: slightly jittery i-bankers and truckers with deep dark bags under their eyes getting together, calling their delivery guys, who sneak the substance over from Canada daily, popping their pills with a protein shake and conversing at a slightly accelerated rate, all the while losing weight while they stand around and sweat.

Oh, wait. Replace truckers with models, and protein shake with cosmo, and I think I was already at that party last night.


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